Pak Jokes

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine, when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside.

He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

“Why are you eating grass?” he asked one man.

“We don’t have any money for food.” the poor man replied.

“Oh, come along with me then.”

“But sir, I have a wife with two children!”

“Bring them along! And you, come with us too!”, he said to the other man.

“But sir, I have a wife with six children!” the second man answered.

“Bring them as well!”

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The lawyer replied, “No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall.”

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passers-by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative. He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”

That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark, “That’s Strange.”

A university committee was selecting a new dean. They had narrowed the candidates down to a mathematician, an economist and a lawyer.

Each was asked this question during their interview: “How much is two plus two?”

The mathematician answered immediately, “Four.”

The economist thought for several minutes and finally answered, “Four, plus or minus one.”

Finally the lawyer stood up, peered around the room and motioned silently for the committee members to gather close to him. In a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he replied, “How much do you want it to be?”

A lawyer approached to an elderly grandmother and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?”
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’re a big disappointment to me.

You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.”

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

A guy phones a law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer”.

The receptionist says, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week”.

The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer”. Once again the receptionist replies, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week”.

The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, “I want to speak to my lawyer”.

“Excuse me sir, “the receptionist says, “but this is third time I’ve had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?”

The guy replies, “Because I love hearing it!”

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,

You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks,

Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

Sometime after independence three great leaders of the country -
Mahatma Gandhi, Lal Bahadur Shastri and Jawaharlal Nehru went to heaven.

God asked Lal Bahadur Shastri how many children he had during his time
on earth. He replied saying he had three! Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God gave Shastri a Mercedes!

Jawaharlal is next and on replying that he had 15 children, God is pretty angry and gives him an inexpensive Maruti.

Sometime later the three see Mahatma Gandhi returning on foot. They ask why God hadn’t given him anything. Gandhiji replied with anger, “Some idiot told God that I was the father of the nation!“

Rabri Devi died and went to hell (as expected…)

As she stood in front of Yamraj, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.

She asked, “What are all those clocks?”

Yamraj answered, “Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.”

Rabri : “Oh”, “Who’s clock is that?”

Yamraj : “That’s Gautam Buddha’s. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie.”

Rabri : “And whose clock is that?”

Yamraj : “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life.”

Rabri : “Where’s my Laloo’s clock?”

Yamraj : “Laloo’s clock is in my office, I’m using it as ceiling fan”.

Once upon a time, the six peoples were traveling in a private plane and that six persons were bollywood king sharukh khan, congress president sonia gandhi, railway minister lalu yadav, small boy, one old man and a pilot.

Suddenly the problem starts in a plane so pilot told everybody to get out but the problem was there were only 5 parachutes but the people were six.

So first our bollywood king sharukh has jumped from the plane by saying, “Bollywood needs me.”

Next our sonia by saying, “Congress need me.”

Then our respected laluji by saying, “Hamari railway ko meri bahut jarurat hain bhai.”

Then pilot, old man and small boy remained in the plane but the problem was there was only one parachute but 2 peoples to jump so the old man told small boy beta, “you jump bcoz I have spent my whole life but you have your future ahead so I will sacrifice for you.”

Suddenly that small boy laugh and says we both can jump then old man said how so he told him our honourable laluji has jumped taking my school bag.

Mayawati came to Lalu’s house with a goat…
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun layi ho?

Maya : Dikhta nahi, goatwa hai.
Lalu : Hum goatwa se hi puch raha hu!!!