Pak Jokes

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,

You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks,

Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

Sometime after independence three great leaders of the country -
Mahatma Gandhi, Lal Bahadur Shastri and Jawaharlal Nehru went to heaven.

God asked Lal Bahadur Shastri how many children he had during his time
on earth. He replied saying he had three! Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God gave Shastri a Mercedes!

Jawaharlal is next and on replying that he had 15 children, God is pretty angry and gives him an inexpensive Maruti.

Sometime later the three see Mahatma Gandhi returning on foot. They ask why God hadn’t given him anything. Gandhiji replied with anger, “Some idiot told God that I was the father of the nation!“

Rabri Devi died and went to hell (as expected…)

As she stood in front of Yamraj, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.

She asked, “What are all those clocks?”

Yamraj answered, “Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.”

Rabri : “Oh”, “Who’s clock is that?”

Yamraj : “That’s Gautam Buddha’s. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie.”

Rabri : “And whose clock is that?”

Yamraj : “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life.”

Rabri : “Where’s my Laloo’s clock?”

Yamraj : “Laloo’s clock is in my office, I’m using it as ceiling fan”.

Once upon a time, the six peoples were traveling in a private plane and that six persons were bollywood king sharukh khan, congress president sonia gandhi, railway minister lalu yadav, small boy, one old man and a pilot.

Suddenly the problem starts in a plane so pilot told everybody to get out but the problem was there were only 5 parachutes but the people were six.

So first our bollywood king sharukh has jumped from the plane by saying, “Bollywood needs me.”

Next our sonia by saying, “Congress need me.”

Then our respected laluji by saying, “Hamari railway ko meri bahut jarurat hain bhai.”

Then pilot, old man and small boy remained in the plane but the problem was there was only one parachute but 2 peoples to jump so the old man told small boy beta, “you jump bcoz I have spent my whole life but you have your future ahead so I will sacrifice for you.”

Suddenly that small boy laugh and says we both can jump then old man said how so he told him our honourable laluji has jumped taking my school bag.

Mayawati came to Lalu’s house with a goat…
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun layi ho?

Maya : Dikhta nahi, goatwa hai.
Lalu : Hum goatwa se hi puch raha hu!!!

Raabri was worried whether or not Laloo upon his death made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a seance.

Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, Laloo’s voice was heard answering, “Hello Raabri, this is meeee…”

“Lalooji,” she answered. I just have to know if you’re happy there in the after life. What’s it like there?”

Mr .Laloo Prasad Yadav was sitting with his Ministers examining mail.

Suddenly Mr. Laloo cried out, “Look at this letter! It is addressed to the stupidest man in Bihar”.

His ministers tried to calm him by saying, “How dare a man address such a letter to you?”

Mr. Laloo replied sadly, “This does not bother me, but why did the postman deliver it at the right address?”

Football show

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Laloo to his P.A.: Itne khiladi kyun football ko laat maar rahe hai?

P.A.: Goal kar ne k liye.

Laloo: Susra, ball toh pahle se hi gol hai aur kitna gol karenge!

When USA completed 1 years of occupation over Iraq, US President George Bush wanted a special postage stamp issued for Iraq, with his picture on it.

He so instructed the Head of United States Postal Service, stressing that postage stamp should be of international quality.

The stamps were duly released of the stamp, Bush began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he becomes furious.
He called Paul Bremer and ordered him to investigate the matter.

Paul Bremer checked the matter out at several post offices in Iraq, and then reported on the problem to Bush.

He said: “Sir, the stamp is really of international quality. The problem is, Iraqi citizens are spitting on the wrong side!“

A man walks into a scientist’s lab looking to buy a new brain. He asks the scientist how much the brains cost.

The scientist says, “Well first we have a normal human brain, it costs $1000, next we have a scientist’s brain, it costs $5000, and then we come to a politician’s, it costs $10,000.”

“How come the politician’s brain costs so much?”, asks the man.

The scientist replies, “Because it’s never been used.”