Pak Jokes

Do You Have The Time

A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.

Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.

Calling out to the patient, the man says, “Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?”

The patient calls back, “One moment!” and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter’s level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.

With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.

Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, “It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is.”

The man can’t help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.

Before he leaves, he says to the patient, “That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?” The patient holds up his wrist and says, “I suppose I’d just look at my watch.”

Negotiations

Then there’s the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls.

The dentist says, “Madam, I believe you’ve got a hold of my privates.”

The woman replies, “Yes. We’re going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren’t we.”

Medication For Life

A distraught patient phoned her doctor’s office. Was it true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication the doctor had prescribed was for the rest of her life? She was told that it was. There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’”.

Old Country Delivery

An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

“Hit him again,” the child said. “He shouldn’t have crawled up there in the first place!!”

Doctor Orders A Birthday Cake

For his wife’s birthday party, a doctor ordered
a cake with this inscription:

“You are not getting older,
You are just getting better.”

When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said,
“Just put ‘You are not getting older’ at the top,
and ‘You are just getting better’ at the bottom.”

It wasn’t until the good doctor was ready
to serve the cake that he discovered it read:

“YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP,
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM.”

Doctor And Lawyer Talk

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”

“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

Four Types of Patients

Some surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work. The first said, “I think accountants are the easiest to opperate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”

The second said, “I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.”

The third said, “I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.”

The fourth one said, “I like to operate on lawyers. They’re heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and ass are interchangable.”

Ears Put Back On

A man lost both ears in an accident. No plastic
surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of
a very good one in Sweden, and went to him.
The new surgeon examined him, thought a while,
and said: ” Yes, I can put you right.”

After the operation, bandages off, stitches out,
he goes to his hotel.

The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon,
and yells:

“You bastard, you gave me a woman’s ears.”

“Well, an ear is an ear, it makes no difference
whether it is a man’s or a woman’s.”

“You’re wrong, I hear everything, but I don’t
understand a thing!”

Moving To A New Office

The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and
his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm
across the back of my seat. I hadn’t considered the drive
across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in
the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and
explained, “I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.”

The other driver leaned out of his window. “I hate to tell you,
lady,” he said, “but I think it’s too late!”

Hole In The Fence

A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, “Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, “Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!